Slavery is not for the weak

Another one of the ridiculous false dichotomies of Master traits vs. slave traits is that Masters are strong and slaves are weak.  I can say with a fair amount of certainty that anyone who thinks that slaves are weak has never actually lived a 24/7 M/s dynamic.

The strength of a slave is perhaps seen most clearly in the moments when they find their surrender even when their Master has hurt them or outright failed them.  And in a long-term relationship, that WILL happen at some point.

Because NO ONE is perfect.  Not slaves, and not Masters either.  Humans are not perfect Full-fucking-stop.  And so the nature of reality is that sometimes, a Master will hurt their slave through error or even selfishness. They might even hurt them deeply.  Read More

Love is giving someone the power to hurt you

We talk a lot about pain in this world. Many of us get off on pain. Pain can be an intense way of deepening connection between partners. And, of course, there are different kinds of pain. Physical masochism is what we talk about most often, but emotional masochism exists, too.

However, when discussing sadism and masochism, we’re discussing pain that is inflicted intentionally, with the consent of the one having the pain inflicted upon them. But that’s not life. Not all pain is consensual. And when it’s not, sometimes it fucking sucks. It’s something we try to avoid. Read More

Does “Topping from the bottom?” exist

Over the last few years, I’ve read or heard several scathing denouncements of this phrase.  The argument goes that a sub/slave is accused of doing this if he/she expresses a want or need or opinion that their Dominant does not like.  And when the phrase is used that way, then I totally agree – it’s bullshit.  Subs and slaves are still human.  We still have wants and needs and opinions. And presumably, if our Doms/Masters are living up to their end of the bargain, they want us to be emotionally healthy. Read More

Cultural perceptions about what “dominant” means

I had an interesting and thought-provoking experience at work a few days ago.  We were sitting around the ping pong table that functions as our department break table (yeah, my job rocks), eating our lunches and sharing stories.  One of the women told a story in which she referred to herself as very Type A.  But the story she told didn’t seem to have anything to do with the being Type A.  It was about being super neat and meticulous in how she likes her home arranged, and I think she actually meant something more along the lines of OCD.

I wasn’t the only person who noticed the apparent mismatch in her terminology, and another coworker questioned her about it.  As she did, she expanded on what she thought Type A meant.  “To me, Type A means more that you’re driven and often pretty loud.  Your personality is very dominant.  When you walk in a room, people know you’re there.  Like me.  Or mickey.” Read More

Sexual objectification, orgasm denial, and me

When I play, my preference is…to have no preference at all. My deepest need is for it to be ENTIRELY about the pleasure of my partner. And yes, I do ultimately derive my own pleasure from that. In fact, it’s far greater pleasure than I could have if you asked me what I wanted you to do to me. Because the only thing I want you to do to me is whatever you want to do to me. Read More

Being objectified vs. being devalued

I have a pretty huge fetish for objectification. Not so much in the sense of human furniture (although I’m intrigued by that), but rather in the sense of wanting to be used as a living fuck toy. Fantasies I get off to include having my pussy played with casually while my partner works on his laptop and ignores me, or being gangbanged while the participants talk to each other and never address me or even look at me. In my fantasies (and occasionally in my realities, heh), I’m just a collection of holes to be used for other people’s physical gratification.

Within an M/s dynamic, I still want to be that fuck toy, although I want to be much more as well. A relationship that involved me never being acknowledged wouldn’t work well, but sexually, that’s still how I want to be used. However, I also want to be of service in many non-sexual ways as well. That’s what I crave, that 24/7 dynamic that is about sexual and non-sexual service. Read More